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Microsoft's Secret Obsession with Matthew Perry

Microsoft made a Windows 95 "Cyber Sitcom" starring Rachel Aniston and Matthew Perry (in character as Rachel and Chandler Bing). It's truly insane – here is how the narrator describes it:

"In section one, you'll get more than a few laughs as we present the world's first Cyber Sitcom starring two of television's hottest comedy personalities, Jennifer Aniston and Matthew Perry."

"They'll be taking you on an adventure in computing that takes place in the office of Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates. Along the way, they meet a wacky bunch of propellerheads and they're introduced to the top 25 features of Windows 95. The pace is fast and funny..."

The whole this is so bad that it's actually good. It also left me wondering if there is some sort of Matthew Perry obsession happening up in Redmond, Washington,,,,, 14 years after this video premiered, Microsoft would go onto rebrand their search engine, Live Search, to.... you guessed it, "BING."

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AN ELEGY FOR THE IPOD – Join me in mourning by solemnly playing "1234" by Feist on your Apple Watch

Does Spotify have access to the treasure trove of untitled tracks by unnamed artists that I’ve had in my library for over a decade? Probably, but I don’t have to worry about them suddenly disappearing after a legal dispute, or losing access because I forgot my password, or paying a subscription fee to listen without commercials. I have even more gratitude for my iPod in a period when art is immediately available but blandly frictionless and more often than not tied to some form of surveillance.

The ORIGINAL recording and video of Ted Leo covering Kelly Clarkson's 'Since U Been Gone' mixed with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs 'Maps'
Pitchfork recently revisited Kelly Clarkson's 2004 album and I had no idea that the producers of Since U Been Gone had based the chorus on the Yeah Yeah Yeahs 'Maps.' Now listening, it's so obvious. They featured an exact replica of the guitar break! NO WONDER IT WAS SO SCREAMABLE!

Karen O was a raucous art school iconoclast who’d written “Maps” as a vulnerable plea to her boyfriend, shedding real tears in the music video—and she would notably describe the experience of hearing “Since U Been Gone” as like “being bitten by a poisonous varmint,” her life cannibalized by the machine." (via Pitchfork)

The Superman sequels were a complete shitshow
Making Superman sequels are hard. Let’s talk about how difficult it was to make Superman III and Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, from stunt casting Richard Pryor to slashing a budget in half, days before filming. 

Robert Pattinson and Bong Joon-ho are making a sci-fi movie together
Here’s what we know about ‘Mickey7’, the ‘Parasite’ director’s first English language movie in five years.

The Quiet Rage of Ambient Music
My ears perked right up when a recent episode of How Long Gone made passing mention of Brian Eno’s $30 app. There’s really no middle ground in charging $30 for an app. Some things are $30 because they are good (lobster), others are $30 because they are bad (a single Shein haul).

Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind – Shunryu Suzuki

Even though you try very hard, the progress you make is always little by little. It is not like going out in a shower in which you know when you get wet. In a fog, you do not know you are getting wet, but as you keep walking you get wet little by little. If your mind has ideas of progress, you may say, "Oh, this pace is terrible!" But actually it is not. When you get wet in a fog it is very difficult to dry yourself. So there is no need to worry about progress.

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‘I Think You Should Leave With Tim Robinson’ Renewed for Season 3 at Netflix
The pattern is SO complicated

Crypto prices tank, taking some companies with them

Why does it feel like there is going to be an Apple+ mini-series on the Crypto & NFT ponzi scheme?

The True Story of Dogstar, Keanu Reeves' Mediocre '90s Rock Band That Toured the World
In an excerpt from the new book Keanu Reeves: Most Triumphant, Alex Pappademas traces the origins of an LA band that somehow ended up opening for Weezer and David Bowie—and wasn't even the only band named Dogstar in town.

Cool Things People Do With Their Blogs

Small and independent blogs are always full of surprises. The more blogs I stumble upon, the more genuinely surprised I am by the things people do with their blogs. It seemed like a good idea to summarize the highlights here.

Arcade Fire on SNL

Arcade Fire was on SNL this weekend. I remember buying their first album in 2004. It was $6.99 at Circuit City. Remember those stores? I remember listening to Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) on repeat. It didn't sound like anything I had ever heard before. For some reason, it reminded me of Louis Lowry's book, The Giver (which still has never been adapted properly in a movie or mini-series). Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) was one of the first songs that I remember feeling like it had come from another place. As if some ancient truth was buried inside the chords and lyrics – more of a spirit than a song. Like the song, the band has a beautifully chaotic and unpolished sound to them. Even after 20 years, Grammy awards and fame, the band still has a sound that feels very authentic. It still feels like they believe in the music they are making. 

 

As a new Dad, I about cried when Win Butler said, "Eddie, I love you" before performing Unconditional I (Lookout Kid) – see video above. They also played Lightning I, II.  

🎶 Big Thief – Certainty (Live on Corden)

"It's a new don.earth update!"

A24, the cool film studio, wants to sell you a membership
A24 is brilliant in generating recurring revenue through a subscription service that drives up the sense of exclusivety within their community. For $5 per month or $55 per year, members get a subscription to A24’s quarterly print zine, a membership pin, a birthday gift, access to special merch and discounts, various forms of “VIP treatment,” including priority access to IRL events, and they are add to “Close Friends” list on Instagram, where they can see Stories that non-member followers can’t, “plus giveaways, sales, and sneak peeks we’ll never post to main.”

Related: How an A24 T-Shirt Became an Essential Piece in the Downtown Wardrobe

This is art in 2022 – Hypnotizing, Bizarre Footage Of Cars Vs. A Giant Bulge In The Road

Don't know where it came from, who made it, why it was created, but you can't stop watching.

Who ❋ Needs Words ✎ When You ➰Have Symbols❓
Nouveau Rebus is bringing back dingbats and glyphs one DTC branding project at a time.

The next frontier in branding? Logos you can see from space
Rooftop solar panels are giving companies like Tesla, Target, and Disney a way to supersize their branding.

Virtual communication curbs creative idea generation 
The results of a new study suggest "that virtual interaction comes with a cognitive cost for creative idea generation". In-person is better for the production of creative ideas.

London, England, UK, Great Britain

I’m on a flight back to the US after spending the last week in England.

It's been a very quick trip. I left on the evening of Easter Sunday and landed at Heathrow in the afternoon on Monday.

[side note: England, UK, Great Britain… it’s all extremely confuuuuuuuuuuusing for me. So the the UK is short United Kingdom. I’m good. England is IN the UK. But it’s not just the UK. Ok? And the people in England are often referred to as Britiiiiish? I DON'T GET IT AT ALL. I clearly was not paying attention in whatever class covered the history of all these realms, kingdoms, and empires... but whatevs, I decided to refer to the entire country as London for the entirety of my trip.]

I stayed at the MEHotel in the middle of London. This hotel felt like it was specifically designed for people who wear Hugo Boss. The smells – Hugo – the finishes – Hugo – the lighting – Hugo.

The hallways were so dark (very Hugo) that I considered activating my iPhone flashlight. It was dangerous, but that’s Hugo Boss. Hugo Boss isn’t for those who play it safe and it’s definitely not for people who drive a Volvo. No, but for real, I wish I could have activated the auto-pilot on my Volvo to help me navigate these hallways. My sense of direction is already VERY BAD and after a sleepless 9.5-hour night flight, these hallways were disorienting af.

After a few work calls and a walk around the gardens, I finally got a shower and went to dinner at Balthazar.

Delusional at this point, I ate myself into a coma and discovered the profiterole [which sounds like some sort of big Pharma brand for diabetes but turns out it is actually the complete opposite – profiteroles are what causes diabetes]. 

Everyone always talks about how "traveling teaches you about yourself" – on this night, I learned that my fatass really likes it when ice cream is smashed in-between two croissants and then covered in warm chocolate syrup. These little fuckers are dangerous. I ate 2 and passed out.

The next few days were a blur of agency meetings and train rides. I somehow managed to stay in 3 different hotels in the course of 5 days. I made it as far north as Bristol to take a look at our new office buildout.

I have been to the UK before, but this was the most time I had ever spent in the country and surrounded and working with British people. I discovered that these people are NOT nearly as buttoned up as they pretend to be. Posh? pssssh.. No. Case in point – Naked Attraction is one of the country’s most popular TV shows. It’s absolutely TWISTED.

Here’s how it works:

The contestant, looking for love, is walked out on stage where he/she is met with 6 different large, fogged windows. Their potential matches are standing behind the windows. The host makes a series of very gross, sexual comments about what they might see on the other side of the window. Then, suddenly, the windows start to open – revealing the individuals behind the window from the ground up. You see bare feet, then knees, and then full-frontal nudity of the potential matches. AND IT’S DISGUSTING. Once the midsection is fully revealed, the host alongside the contestant approaches the windows and begins examining the private parts. IN. GREAT. DETAIL. We’re talking play-by-play commentary of what the contestant is seeing, what he/she likes and dislikes, and all the nasty little imperfections. It is seriously the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen on a TV.

After the upper bodies and faces have been fully revealed, the host asks the contestant to select the 2 that he/she fancies the most. As if it can’t get any worse, the contestant, who was previously clothed must also get naked in front of the finalists. The hosts ask the remaining finalists what they like about the contestant’s body. At this point, the contestant has to decide who he/she is going on a date with… so the 2 finalists deliver their best, extremely specific, and very sexual advance on the contestant. The eye contact, mouth movements, and overall hygiene is DEEPLY DISTURBING. I’m still shook by this. Even more concerning… literally everyone in the country knows and or watches this show. They talk about the show, in a work setting, the same way Americans might talk about The Office or Seinfeld. 

Overall, it was a very quick trip. As I type this, I'm on a plane back home and very excited to see Steph and Sonny. This was the first time I’d be traveling internationally and the first time I’d be gone for more than a day or two. I missed everything, but mostly our nighttime routines. Now, bathing and rocking him to sleep is such a big part of my routine. My nights have felt very incomplete. We facetimed a lot on this trip and each time he really lit up. That was probably the highlight of my trip – seeing him react and know who I was even though I’m not there. I wanted to bring him home something that would mark my first, long work trip away. Something iconic, not Hugo Boss iconic, but more British.. but from England and also the UK :)

Archives: An Insanely Great Shoe

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