Love as SFDC Dashboard: The Movie

Up until now, I didn't think A24 was capable of making a bad movie. But then I saw Materialists... and let me just say, WOOOOOOOOOF.

What a TERRIBLE movie. Like on every level, bad.

Not polarizing. Not misunderstood. Just bad.

I don't even know how to describe it much beyond that. It’s all just so weirdly flat. It was like watching these beautiful NPCs trying to simulate dating and romance while getting stuck in some sort of logic loop.

The dialogue was offensively bad – it felt like some sort of financial-bro erotic fanfiction. Dakota Johnson's character is this high-end matchmaker, and EVERY SINGLE line she delivers emphasizes this corny economics language... everything is salary figures, value metrics, unicorn nomenclature – if a Salesforce dashboard were a movie:

"She's high risk, low ROI."

"They have poor compatibility percentages."

"You've got 6 inches of heigh on him – double your valuation."

CRINGE. It's so scripted and rehearsed that the movie completely loses any sense of emotional realism. The LOVE-AS-A-MARKET schtick gets REALLY OLD, REALLY FAST. 

And no one is gonna convince me that this was satire. It's not (although it does feel like it could be sponsored by Salesforce... which honestly if this was some 4-dimensional sponsored content by Benioff that would be kind of sick). It's just a REALLY bad movie. 

The Shitification of Superhero Movies

Why do all superhero movies feel like airport food? Mass-produced, bland, and always somehow WORSE than you imagine.

I’m exhausted by the industrial shitification of superhero movies – the endless conveyor belt of MCU, DCU universe sludge being pumped out to the masses. 

The new Superman isn’t even a movie. It’s a glorified trailer for the next twelve. A corporate content unit — a meticulously focus-grouped little dopamine pellet, algorithmically optimized, and destined to be licensed into oblivion. Which, honestly, is working because I bought a Superman Slip N' Slide this weekend aaaaaand the Superman popcorn bucket (I AM NOT ABOVE THIS SHIT).

These movie narratives are no longer driven by character or theme — they are driven solely by IP management and quarterly earnings. And you feel that because there is LITERALLY no story here. Just a string of CGI set pieces, stitched together by awkward character introductions and a painfully obvious meme-bait dog built for TikTok virality.

And the worst part? These franchise movies don't end – they're a mere vehicle for endless setups for spin-offs, cameos, and crossovers no one asked for. There is never closure. Just the illusion of plot in service of perpetual content churn. 

It sucks. But what sucks more is how normalized it’s become. It’s not just that movies are getting dumber — it’s that we’re adjusting to it.

Best of 2024

There was one song that was by far the best song of 2024 – it was so good that Steph and I had to go see it played live. Waxahatchee has given us an 🎶INSTANT American Classic with her song, Right Back To It. It's perfect.

I have not watched as many movies this year, but obviously, the best movie of the year was Dune Part 2.

Anora somehow lives up to the hype. We watched it last night, and it was VERY good. Civil War also surprised me (a bit heavy-handed and reaching, but entertaining for a plane movie). The Substance was TERRIBLE btw – totally overrated.

Kinds of Kindness was good, but it felt like they were trying a bit too hard. Like the writer saw Poor Things and said, "I can do this shit" and hired the exact same cast. 

Favorite Things of 2022

Big Thief put out the best album of the year – a true masterpiece.  

Also very good:
Dehd – Blue Skies

Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Cool it Down

Top Gun (USA USA USA!) was my favorite movie of the year. Anyone who doesn't like this movie is trying too hard. It's a good movie. Everything Everywhere All at Once actually lived up to the hype. Also, the Unbearable Weight of a Massive Talent.

📼 Movies

Everything Everywhere All At Once
Wow. This is one of the best sci-fi movies I've ever seen. It was like nothing I've ever seen before. It felt like The Matrix if The Matrix had an emotional foundation. 

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

Nic Cage as Nic Cage. Say no more. Incredible movie.